3 Hidden Signs Of Burnout (And What You Can Do About Them)

Picture this. You wake up. Get ready. Go to work. Smile and get your work done. Make small talk with your coworkers. Come home. Make dinner. Tidy up. Shower. Read. Get ready for bed. This sounds like a normal day right. If someone were to hear that this was a typical day for you, they’d likely think that nothing was wrong.

What we don’t see is that when the alarm goes off, your immediate reaction is dread. You have the urge to stay in bed but you know better so you get up, reluctantly. You go on auto-pilot and somehow get to work. On time, of course, because that has been instilled in your brain to determine your worth. You have always been a hard worker, so despite the lack of motivation and creativity to do anything, you muster up any remaining energy to complete your tasks. You smile and nod to your coworkers even though your brain is thinking about the endless to-do list and how much you’re going to get behind. You’ve thought about quitting at least 3 times today but who has the time for that? You check the clock and can finally go home! You step into the door and your brain immediately scans the room for all the clutter and stuff that needs to be done. You cook and just wish that you could sit on the couch instead. You’re so tired. You’re getting short and snappy with your family, but they don’t even notice. You sneak away for a 5 minute shower but you’re filled with guilt because you know what all needs to be done still. You escape into a book only to read 20 pages and not remember anything that happened. You give up for the day and go to bed. Repeat. 

Reading that one, someone could see that the person is hurting but they have mastered the skill of internalizing and putting on a mask. Women especially deal with keeping their stuff inside and not letting others in on the chaos that is really happening. This can happen for all sorts of emotions such as anxiety, depression, burnout, insecurities, and more. We can hide and deflect and to an outsider it all appears normal. But on the inside, we are screaming and tired.

I want to make note of this because when I talk about burnout, an image often comes to our head of people slacking at work or sleeping all day. This is so not the normal presentation of burnout. High achieving workers, perfectionists, and people who seem to have their stuff together- can all struggle with burnout. There are many aspects of burnout that are invisible and especially hard to notice in those folks who keep it all inside. 

Here are 3 ways burnout can show up hidden, even in successful, put together people. 

1.     Tension and soreness.

How many of you have worked a full day described above and by 5:00pm you have a headache? You experience migraines? Your shoulders are tense or your back is hurting? Often times we store these emotions inside and since we are busy or burned out, we aren’t able to release them. They can build and build until they really knock us down. Until that happens thought, we push through, ignore the pain, and keep going. No one notices we are sore or tired. They see you performing at the same level so they think all is well. When inside, all we want is a hot bath, a massage, and for the pain to go away.

What can you do?

Find a release. Do some gentle stretches before bed or when you wake up. Do some shoulder rolls in the middle of the day while you’re at work. Take the hot bath, or at least a hot shower. Get a tennis ball and give yourself a massage. Even if you only take 5 minutes to do these, it can help release some of the stress in your body AND signal to your brain that you are worthy of caring for your needs. You deserve a few minutes to yourself without feeling guilty. (tip- read this blog if guilt is still coming up.)

2.     Digestive issues, colds, lowered immune response, overall sicknesses.

Yup. You read that right. Our mental health and mood can impact our physical health. When we are stressed and burned out, that can impact our immune system and make it easier for sicknesses to take over. Now, you may be thinking, if someone is sick, is that really hidden? For many of the people I described above, the answer is yes! Many women push through colds, sore throats, viruses, etc. and still go to work or perform their home tasks without anything noticing. Or if they notice, they just assume it isn’t a big deal. How many of you reading have partners who don’t step up when you’re sick so you still have to do everything and you can’t rest or recover? Or how many of you have jobs that say as long as you are actively dying then you’re well enough to come into work? Also- not all illnesses are visible. Digestive issues, pain, sore throat, congestion, etc. may not be easily identifiable by others.

Side note- the fun (sarcastic) part of many of these symptoms is that they can happen for a myriad of reasons such as hormone imbalances, diet, getting older, allergies, sickness in general, or mental health. It is a great game we play to figure out the cause of it which takes mental energy and then to try to solve it. Many times it is just easier to let it play course or deal with it later. This is how it can stay hidden or minimized until it grows or gets worse.

So what to do about this one?

Chat with your doctor AND therapist. A team approach is great here because we know our physical health and mental health are so intertwined that having a supportive team in each corner can help you figure out what is going on. Many doctors and therapists do online visits so you can chat in between meetings or even before/after work.

If that is too much right now- some smaller steps are to track patterns. Get a notebook or the notes app on your phone and just jot down notes of what you’re seeing. It can be daily, weekly, etc. Whatever you have time for. This will help for whenever you are ready to chat with a doctor or therapist, you can show them the patterns and can get to the root of the cause a lot quicker.

3.     Mood changes. Irritability. Motivation. Apathy. Hopelessness.

And honestly probably 15 more emotions I could list. I put these as hidden because many of us are experts at hiding these emotions. We can keep them inside, internalize them, and on the outside it looks as if everything is fine. These ones are important to be on the lookout for, though. Many aspects of burnout and exhaustion can also be found in hormone imbalances, changes in what we eat, sleep, general stress, etc. These mood changes, especially if they linger for long periods of time, are often a sign that something deeper is going on.

These emotions listed are often deep emotions that can impact how we think and behave. We sometimes take our irritability on those around us. We don’t have the motivation for the things we once loved and enjoyed. We get cynical and pessimistic which can lead us to feeling STUCK! Then we think that nothing can change and anything we do won’t matter.

That is not a fun mental space to be in.

So what can we do?

Practice gratitude. This does not get rid of the negative stuff in our life, but it can help our brain feel more balanced and not get stuck only focusing on the negative. Gratitude doesn’t have to be towards the large things in our life like being able to buy a home or getting a promotion. Gratitude can be about the small simple things such as time spent with your pet or enjoying your favorite beverage that day.

Another thing that can be helpful for some folks is to focus on what you do have control over. When we feel stuck and hopeless we can feel like everything around us is chaos and we are just along for the ride. Similar to gratitude, we can start small. We may not have control over big areas in life such as student loans, policies at work, or other people’s behaviors. Sometimes all we have control over is when we wake up in the morning or the clothes we wear. Maybe you have control over the food you eat or your schedule. Focus on those things to build a foundation and challenge that hopelessness, then you can start to tackle the larger areas in life you may not have control over.

This list is not exhaustive. Each person’s burnout experience is unique and may look different. If you didn’t see yourself in this life, I encourage you to reflect on your own hidden aspects of burnout to see if there is anything you need for yourself. If you did see yourself in this list, it is a great reminder that you are not alone.

As always- burnout is not your fault. I appreciate you taking the time for yourself just to read this article.

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If you want to learn more about how counseling can help with burnout, you can learn more HERE.

Take care of yourself,

Alicia Johnson, LMFT

Online Therapist in Ann Arbor serving all across Michigan, Oklahoma, Florida, and South Carolina.